Every time another tragic headline surfaces — another child lost to violence, another teenager arrested, another preventable crisis — the same question makes its way across newsfeeds, dinner tables, and talk shows:
“Where were the parents?”
It’s a question filled with judgment. It assumes absence, neglect, or failure. It points a finger at mothers and fathers while ignoring the weight of the world they’re up against.
But here’s what society refuses to acknowledge:
The parents were there. We are here.
Raising. Guiding. Correcting. Loving.
We’re showing up in the ways that matter — at the kitchen table, at school meetings, during those late-night conversations, and yes, in moments of discipline. The kind of parenting that doesn’t always look soft, but is rooted in fierce protection and deep love.
The kind of parenting that tries to save a child’s life before the world has a chance to ruin it.
And yet — instead of being supported, we’re being punished.
Discipline is Not a Crime
Across the country, particularly in Black and marginalized communities, parents are being surveilled, investigated, and sometimes even arrested — not for abuse or neglect, but for trying to protect and guide their children.
For enforcing boundaries.
For intervening early.
For not waiting until it’s too late.
The system claims to value strong parenting, but the moment that parenting doesn’t fit within their narrow framework of “acceptable,” they weaponize it. They twist discipline into danger. They paint concern as control. They turn correction into a case file.
And instead of asking,
“What was the parent trying to prevent?”
They ask,
“What rule did the parent break?”
When Tragedy Hits, So Do the Blame Games
Just recently, three teenagers from Dothan, Alabama were arrested in Florida — facing serious, life-altering charges, including multiple counts of attempted murder. And within minutes, the internet lit up with the same question:
“Where were the parents?”
We were here.
We ARE here.
But while we’re fighting to keep our kids on track, the system is too busy punishing parenting to actually protect it.
What the System Doesn’t Want to Admit
Here’s the truth they don’t want to say out loud:
- Discipline is not abuse.
- Correction is not cruelty.
- And love? Love sometimes looks like hard conversations, lost privileges, and yes — consequences.
We’re not the problem. We’re the last line of defense between our children and the chaos waiting to consume them.
But instead of standing with us, the system stands in our way.
They want our children disciplined — until we do it ourselves.
They want accountability — until it’s their policies that deserve the blame.
They want protection — but they only offer punishment.
So the Next Time You Ask, “Where Were the Parents?”
Ask instead:
- Where was the support?
- Where was the community?
- Where was the investment in keeping families together?
- Where was the grace for a parent doing their best in a broken system?
We are here.
Still standing.
Still parenting.
Still fighting — even when the system fights us back.